What Happens When I Die?

Much time my mind is occupied

but what comes after I have died

Is it torment, is it bliss?

Is it a nonexistent abyss?

Is it fast without much pain?

Is it ethereally effervescent, or mundane?

Do I cease or go on knowing?

My tree ends, or I keep on growing?

So scary the passing through that door

Or naught to fear, which scares me more

Race towards the finish, always frightened

Face that fear, finish it enlightened

Healing Hurt

Who knew that healing

would hurt this much

Mottled yellow, black, and blue

painful flares to touch

Frolic hand in hand

losses and gains

Strip away sorrow

only joy remains

No lingering lack,

gaping hole left behind

fulfillment of a void

whole is what I find

Breathe and Live Deeply

Every day we inch closer to death

Taking steps with every breath

Breathe in deeply and living's great,

If you don’t breathe, you suffocate

Every day inching closer to death

Steps with each and every breath

Breathe in deeply, life is waiting!

If you're not breathing, you're suffocating

Frantic & Faceless, Something & Baseless

Indy 500 brainthoughts never end

They blast by to pass by again

Here they come and there they go

How to halt them I don’t know

Chase them watch them round the bend

Can’t get space to focus on the mend

Frantic frantic pedal to the floor

Screaming by I can’t ignore

When I try hard, I get in my way

Stand back and let the words say what they say

Pour the rods out on the page

Don’t get hung up on expectant rage

Words words words that rhyme

I get stuck in the loop every time

Insomniac Regret

Sky sliding silver, the moon is creeping

I lay awake while the world is sleeping

I simmer in sheets soaked with regret 

Tossing and turning, I can't forget

Moments that shape, life never the same

Pulse pounds hard, blood thick with shame

Muscles tense and my thoughts run

Teeth clench hard, grit at what I'd done

Aching memory carved into my soul,

Pray for a shovel to dig a hole. 

Teacher turns with bemused aplomb,

"I'm sorry, did you just call me... Mom?"

Night Shift

Overnights are missing something I don't see,

can someone please describe the sun to me?

I wonder about what it's like all night. 

I've forgotten if it's dull, or overwhelmingly bright.

Does it openly comfort all those below

with its brilliant and silently cancerous glow? 

Is there muted illumination from behind thick shrouds, 

hidden behind heavy hanging storm clouds?

I'm familiar with the stars, and the blanket of dark. 

I've even named the streetlights next to the park. 

I listen to the soundtrack of crickets and frogs,

the hooting of owls instead of barking of dogs. 

I struggle to catch a glimpse of lighter skies,

but my eyelids droop and I close my eyes. 

I wake to the moon, a familiar lunar see

Can someone please describe the sun to me?

Wasted On You

my time and a smile were never wasted on you

I enjoyed our interactions, no matter what we’d do

stealing pumpkins on halloween, sneak down the fire escape

push my car down the driveway, your favorite flavour - grape

chain smoking camel cigarettes, drifting in the snow

Time walked in, picked you up, and said you had to go

Late night texting, frantically blowing up my phone

Sometimes I wish you’d just leave me alone

Jumping off cliffs into mountain water, long summer days keep getting hotter

Tell me your worries and every regret, I reveal my biggest secret

Riding back roads, in the truck bed. Shared earbuds plugged into my head.

Explore the untamed forest, we’d carve our own trails

gritty cheeks and salty sea air, filling up sand castle pails

install a lift kit in the rain, my clothes are soaked, but glad I came.

I knew this life’s bottle had a bottom, so I turned it up and slammed it.

ran into the bottleneck and then my emotions dammed it.

I rattle the bottle while I write, cork giving effervescent sips

So I set it down for a long time, and the cork is faded to drips.

I raise the bottle to the light and raise it to the smile on my lips.

I’m not worried about drinking too much, I know I can’t be wasted on you.